|Stop the World I want to get off!!!
||[Dec. 16th, 2003|06:11 am]
Miss Von Trapp
|||||The Faint : Agenda Suicide||]|
I am so incredibly knackered...but I'm too busy to stop!!
After my drunken 'over-doing it' session on Saturday (a full day of theatre on 3 hours sleep and then a drunken punk night out immediately after the last show) I slept till 6pm Sunday, then had to go and visit my sister and the screaming child-bastards to say happy birthday...then on to mothers to make small talk with the grandparents...
(how they got a fire alarm wakeup at 1am in the Moathouse hotel etc etc...yawn!!)
Dad dropped me home at 10pm that Sunday night and I then began watching the videos of Weird Cabaret...right from last March, 5 videos of 2hrs each in all...and drinking a good bottle of red that I had purloined from my mother...
This filled time until 7am, where I nearly got run over going to the shop for more tobacco, and got to bed Monday morning, drunk and quite happy at approx 8am.
Slept all day Monday (yesterday) until approx 5pm, when I woke with a start and realised I had to be in work in an hour...at 6pm to do a 12 hour shift...
Work was rather fun...discovered that I am in the Herald in the Grand Vizier outfit...and now EVERYBODY has seen it...got a bit silly toward the end of the evening on account of general fatigue.
Friday is a 'dress up day' for Xmas...we have already decided what to wear...Terri is going to be a fairy, I'm going to wear a wedding dress and wings and be a fairy gothmother...and Jean (in her 50's, artist) is going to wear a BEARD!!! It will be SO funny and I MUST take pictures...
My schedule this week is rather nuts, so I might not be on much...
I'm so busy at the moment that whenever I get a free evening I'm ignoring the phone, ignoring everybody else but me, getting drunk and watching movies/playing loud music...so much work and theatre and very little subsequent time for myself means I HAVE to shut out EVERYBODY in order to preserve some sanity...I NEED TO DO THIS...
I've NEVER had time to myself before...not been properly alone in my own company in 10 years...always having to look after/deal with someone else and be utterly selfless, making light of my own stresses or pushing them under the carpet entirely so that I could permanently be there for them...therefore I never properly understood other peoples need to behave like this when busy and stressed either as a result of that and have been a *bit* demanding... sort of "if I can be permanently available for people, why can't they?"...which is appalling behaviour on my part and quite stupid, as I didn't see that I was simply being too damn nice to those whom I was putting myself out for, easily walked over by them and I NEVER EVER spared a thought for my own wellbeing...
Now, almost entirely free of those burdens, I am finally able to, and HAVE to make solitary time for myself for the first time in my life...I NEED the empty-head-space wherever I can grab it between work and theatre, quite frankly, and the blissful numbness that it brings : being alone with nobody else to worry about but myself!!
My heartfelt apologies to those concerned, it took massive upheavals, but now I understand fully:((
I'm going to be like this until Panto is over...I'm not capable of thinking much more than two days or so in advance at the moment...xmas hasn't registered in its nearness even...I can't focus on anything further ahead than a week and on whether or not I'm in theatre...
Seems like I'm never out of work or theatre...ought to have a bed made up in both places lol!!
OK...up until Xmas and over...:
Today: 6pm - 6am Work (4hrs sleep after)
Wednesday: 1pm Theatre call and show till 5pm, work 9pm-6am
Thursday: 6pm - 6am work (4 hrs sleep after)
Friday: 1pm theatre call for matinee, evening show, late to work at 11pm-6am (4 hrs sleep after)
Saturday: 1pm theatre call for matinee, evening show...alcohol abuse after.
Sunday : 1pm theatre call for matinee.
Monday: 10pm-6am work (shopping?)
Tuesday: 9pm - 6am work
Xmas Eve : 1pm theatre call for matinee, evening show...go home and die at 10pm...
Xmas: NO PLANS AT ALL...have to visit the parents even tho I don't want to...but will come back here and get drunk on my own alone after 5pm probably. Bah Humbug!
Boxing Day: No idea either.
Saturday: Black Catz Night PARTY!!!!!!! WILL DEFINATELY BE OUT!!!
Sunday : (hungover) 1pm theatre call for matinee
Monday : 10pm to 6am work
Tuesday : 1pm theatre call for matinee, LAST EVENING SHOW...late for work at 11pm-6am.
NEW YEARS EVE : No plans...probably drunk on my own somewhere...indoors with a bottle watching Jools' Hootenanny like last year I expect.
Busy lass, eh??
No rest for the wicked...I must have been very wicked...hope this doesn't mean I'll get no presents tho:/
Oh how dull...and I have the feathers already...mother gave me 3 lovely ostrich feathers on Sunday!!