Log in

No account? Create an account
The Madwoman Confesses to her Crimes... - :: Miss Von Trapp Bites :: [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Miss Von Trapp

[ userinfo | About Me ]
[ archive | Dear Diary... ]
[ dotcom | Miss Von Trapp: Murderously Quirky Dark Cello Cabaret ]
[ facebook | Facebook Page ]
[ bandcamp | Listen and Buy my Music... ]

The Madwoman Confesses to her Crimes... [Feb. 21st, 2004|11:24 am]
Miss Von Trapp
[Mood |confessional]
[Music |The Birthday Party : Mutiny In Heaven (Devon?)]

I really ought to go to bed...

Apologies to vimster who read part of these as replies a while back, but I thought I should go public with my crimes against humanity...

It was a long time ago...I've repented and atoned for my sins...there are probably more than I've posted here, but these were the 'biggies', honest guvnor!!

School Confessions
(My Anarchy Days Are Over...)

When I spent three years as a school librarian at secondary school (1987-1989) I wrote an hour long Michael Jackson comedy musical for me and my library friends to perform...using all his songs from early Jackson Five days through to BAD...and lots of scripts about the original Star Trek crew, only they were all paired up with way way too much innuendo. Spock and Uhura, Kirk and Sulu etc etc!!

Also used to lock the doors to keep the first-years out and watch lots of Sesame Street, spent lots of time fucking about with the photocopier and kept a pot of mould under the desk for a year that we gave a name to and fed it bits of packed lunch every other day...tipped it out at the end of the year and it looked like solidified chocolate mousse...

And ground our sandwiches into the carpet in Mr. Pemberton's office where we were priveleged enough to eat our lunch...called him 'Pembleslap' behind his back because he was bald.

Also, when it was the end of the three years as librarian, we messed up all the shelves by mixing them up alphabetically and set the 'meccano-ey' bookshelves at zig zag angles lolol!!!

The worst things we did to the group's 'figure of fun' was pinning him to the ground and pulling down his trousers, and I performed an unfortunate experiment with the vulcan death grip, in which he ACTUALLY PASSED OUT!!!!

*hides in shame*

Oh, and I almost forgot poor Lawrence C., who we tied to the post outside the science block/english rooms by his tie and then stripped him naked and ran off leaving him there...

I wasn't a bully at school though...in fact, the first three years at secondary school I was the bullied one...becoming a librarian was an escape of sorts, and even then I blame Amy for running me off the rails a bit...

Revenge perhaps?


It didn't stop there to be honest...

I went to a different school for sixth form in 1989/90 and paired up with Kathryn B. there...we wrote lots of silly scripts, and a play based on McNaughton's Insanity Clause after going to see 'Accidental Death of an Anarchist' by Dario Fo.

(I was labouring under such a defect of the mind and lapse of reason as not to know the cause and nature of the act I was committing)

We had many escapades before finally falling out after the school band trip to Normandy for a week. It was indeed Band Camp. I bought cigarettes and alcohol for all the kids with us (teenage) and we spent all week getting hammered in the dormitory at night...I even went and flashed in a basque to the boys in their room upstairs...

Then Kathryn and I drank too much on the ferry and made a mess of the bathrooms on the boat by trying to dye our hair black in the sink on board...and fell out over a guy we'd been chatting up on the boat.

Neither of us got his number though;)

Amongst many things Kathryn and I went through a whole phase of wanting white lab coats with a false arm on one sleeve so we could shake hands with people and then let the arm fall off...

...also managed to convince first years that the joss-sticks we were burning in the drama studio were cannabis and they could get high by toking on them...

...got kicked off A-Level Art for allegedly spending more time on my goth makeup (speed and alcohol in actuality) than my work...

...and got into serious trouble for setting light to a Union Jack flag in the carpark outside the metalwork block lol!!!



I think I feel better now. Going to have another go at sleeping.

From: sadiecakes
2004-02-21 06:43 am (UTC)
I laughed muchly reading these, made me feel rather tame as well!
all I recall is cooking boil in the bag fish and potatoes in a beaker over a bunsen burner in the science lab for lunch,
a similar mould experiment, with the topping off a pizza, which we sealed in cingfilm, named "kidney transplant" and used to throw at random people
following random strangers around town until they would notice us
god that sounds boring!
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: vimster
2004-02-21 08:02 am (UTC)


That kidney transplant thing reminded me of the not-quite-so-exciting thing we used to do at college, where someone would take a can of pop (usually from Martin B's bag, because he was "from the forest"), shake it up, and then throw it at someone, this would get passed around the room - woe betide the person who dropped it.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-02-21 09:11 pm (UTC)


Kidney Transplant???


We used to paint 'blood' (acrylic paint) on sanitary towels and stick them in the loo...

And fill condoms with salad cream and put them in people's pencil cases lololol!!!

We also once put a spider in a guys pencil case in 6th form...he was in the common room, describing how he'd opened his pencil case and a spider ran out...and WE'D DONE IT AGAIN!!!


(please exsuse me, I've drunk too much red wine lol!!)_
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: vimster
2004-02-21 07:59 am (UTC)
My twin, myself and our mate Mark had this Amstrad tape-to-tape machine which we used for all sorts of stuff, including the infamous audio play of intrigue, recorded on location in Exeter, well, we taped some atmosphere, including the local Shell garage where the one character was supposed to get shot - you could hear the woman go "28 pence please", which took away from the drama somewhat - all good fun though.

"(I was labouring under such a defect of the mind and lapse of reason as not to know the cause and nature of the act I was committing)" - as seen in every other HP Lovecraft story.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-02-21 09:13 pm (UTC)


My sister and I used to hide our youngest sisters Fisher Price cassette recorder under the table in the dining room...then tape the arguments at lunchtime and write them up as scripts for a sitcom entitled 'The Smiths'...

Hahaha....wish I'd kept the books we wrote them in lol...some of the arguments my parents had were SO pathetic...
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: abishag
2004-02-21 11:29 am (UTC)
My daughter was school librarian too. Hope you don't mind that I have added you to my friends' list- (just say and I'll reverse it)
But apart from anything else, I *collect* librarians, even former ones. And I have just lost two :-(.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-02-21 09:12 pm (UTC)


Don't mind at all!!!

I'll add you back...be warned though...I have a *thing* for the smell of newly printed book ink...

*giggles drunkenly*
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: nnp
2004-02-21 02:34 pm (UTC)
sounds very fun compared to my lame escapades.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-02-21 09:14 pm (UTC)


I bet they weren't that tame!!!

Do share!!:)
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: nnp
2004-02-22 09:05 pm (UTC)

okay... this might take a couple posts...

when i was a sophmore (2nd year) there was this artist boy whom i was in love with... paul oplinger... i was quite taken with him, indeed. anyhow - i was in advanced placement english a year ahead of my class and paul was in this class with me. i used to stare at him and hang on every word he said. one day i overheard him telling his friend about how this really "killer" party was going to be going on that nite out by this quarry we all called "hugo..." it was basically where kids went to smoke pot, drink, have sex and skinny dip in a really pristine quarry which was located at the back of a old mine site... (not necessarily in that order...)

so i convinced my mom & dad that i was going to be over at my best friend at the time's house studying... we then snuck out of her house by climbing out on the roof and jumping from there to the roof of the garage where there was this ladder we could climb down... and, off we went to hugo.

i had never drank or smoked pot at this point of my adolecence... so when we got there i was kind of nervous. but, straight off paul oplinger comes up to me and offers me a beer. which i CHUG down to make myself look cool. he looked amused and handed me another. this continued for a while. a bunch of the aritst kids came over and wanted me to go "smoke out with them." which i did. and, the end result was that i was WAYYYY fucked up. at some point someone spilled beer on my shirt & i flipped out about it... as i was sure my parents would bust me on that fact alone. but, paul oplinger (who i was positive i was in love with at this point) went over to his car and pulled out this black thrift store sweater (which smelled like him) and gave it to me. i just pulled my top off in front of him (and a zillion other people including my horrified friend) and put the sweater on - placing the shirt in the trunk of his car.

then - my friend's older brother showed up. and, told us that when i didn't come home at 11pm that my dad had called their parents looking for me. that bf's mom had come to check on us & found out that we had snuck out of bf's room... and, we were both about to get into quite a bit of trouble. so paul (my new boyfriend) offered to drive us back to my house. i am high as fuck, drunk and stupid - so i agree. sitting up front with him... at every street light i'm making out with him. i am so frickin' wasted i don't even notice that he pulls into my driveway - as soon as the car stopped i started sucking face with him. well, my parents notice that there is a car in the driveway and on go the porch lites, both parents out on the porch in their nite clothes (it was now about 2am)... and, paul helps me out of the car up the walk to my house... and, my mother launches into me - yells for a few minutes while i'm standing there in front of this boy i love looking stupid and then asks me: "what do you have to say for yourself?"

i then HEAVE everything inside my stomach out my mouth in response to her onto my DAD'S FEET.

i swear to christ that my dad was lauging at me. they sent me to bed, the next day my mom made me walk to school in the pouring rain with a hangover and i never went out with paul past that nite.

tho' i did see him at a bar after i graduated college & he laughed his ass off at the memory of that story... and, bought me a shot.

more to come.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-02-22 09:30 pm (UTC)

Re: okay... this might take a couple posts...

Oh dear oh dear!!

Well, at least you got a lengthy snog (and an eventual drink) out of it, so the drinking/smoking must have paid off lolol!!!

First time I got seriously drunk was a last night party for a youth theatre production when I was fifteen...we had a party in the auditorium (the first and last time the director allowed us to do so lol!)...I had no idea what I was drinking...just whatever I was given by a guy who kept trying to stick his tongue in my ear, got ridiculously drunk, someone else threw up on the stage itself, and my dad had to come and take me home.

I remember leaning on my 'cello case for support while I was waiting for him, then several stops in the car on the way home for me to open the door and throw up in the gutter...

Then when I got home, my parents put me to bed, gave me a bowl to throw up in...which I did...and then drunkenly flapped my arms about in a dramatic fashion, tipping the entire bowl up into the air and onto the carpet in front of my dad...who, like yours, found the entire incident funny lol!!

Never again have we had a 'last night' show party like it...these days we just go down to the bar hehe!!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
From: shepardshadows
2004-02-22 03:51 am (UTC)
Sounds like my highschool hijinxs :P. Little terror I was.
(Reply) (Thread)