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Miss Von Trapp

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*grah* [Jul. 8th, 2004|01:46 pm]
Miss Von Trapp
[Mood |blankstrangely numb]
[Music |Diamanda Galas and John Paul Jones : Do You Take This Man?]

Just one question to the men who read this diary...

Why is it, when life things get too stressful, do you automatically cut out the people who are in a position to give support?

Just that, sorry.


Things learnt yesterday:

To trust my gut instinct and not pass it off as 'periody paranoia' anymore. It's been right too many times now about many different things. Perhaps I'm psychic?!

Had just relearnt to open up and trust, been encouraged to, and have now relearned NOT to.

My boss at work, before she sent me off home sick at half past twelve, told me that I should learn not to let my feelings show in certain situations - call me cynical, but why should I not be honest about how I feel with things. Do I have to go through life all clammed up and unable to express myself??

Ho hum.

Weird thing is, whilst I am naturally rather upset about this (although not surprised given his circumstances) I'm not quite as upset as I expected I would be I don't think. Perhaps I've learnt to switch off? I'm only really getting mizzy if I stop to think about it or read over old emails.

Perhaps I didn't feel as much as I thought I did or wanted to? Perhaps I'm still dealing with feelings for the last one and was looking for a replacement?

Who knows. I certainly don't.

I have theatre tonight, more fun with masks huzzah!

I shall pick my own.

*dramatic door slamming exit*

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In Other News

Called in on Spikey and Gordon at 8pm yesterday. Spent 20 mins putting a snake through an 8ft tube. Nothing pervy about it. It's a californian king snake that Gordon is looking after. Twas funny. I love my friends:)

Duty Obs meeting was good - not going to quit. Finally we have some organisation and a greater team spirit.

I'm really looking forward to theatre tonight. I'm loving mask work...its a bit of a refresher from my A levels etc over 10 years ago, and I'm discovering I have a real affinity for it through my physical theatre training. Dead excited about play possibilities with it!!

Ok, I ought to get off now, I have a 240 quid mobile bill to deal with that I can't afford to pay. At least that's not going to happen again lolol!!


[User Picture]From: missbumpkin
2004-07-08 06:18 am (UTC)
Aww, I'm so sorry things haven't worked out. Men are poo. Cowardly poo. Sorry to quote cliches but it IS his loss. You are lovely an sweet and wonderful and deserve some happiness, hopefully it's just around the corner.
Big girly hugs
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-07-08 06:21 am (UTC)
Now that's the sort of thing that's going to make me cry. Nicky I LOVE YOU!!!!! (as a friend - I'm not angling for a fumble lol)

Want to get pissed on Saturday at the Nowhere? I'm up for it - failing that I have a bottle of red that didn't get drunk on the weekend *grin*

*grrrly hugs back*
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[User Picture]From: missbumpkin
2004-07-08 10:50 am (UTC)
Awww! Love you too sweeie!

Boozin on Saturday? Sounds like a plan to me babe!

Big hugs
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-07-09 08:37 am (UTC)
I spended all my spare cash on a retail therapy spree...oops!

Wanna sink that bottle of plonk on saturday instead? Yours or mine?
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
From: scar_let
2004-07-08 07:36 am (UTC)
Why is it, when life things get too stressful, do you automatically cut out the people who are in a position to give support?

Not much to go on here, but I'd say it's because men always feel pressured to be self-reliant and self-sufficient, particularly when it comes to emotional arenas. If you depend on other people you're too often made to feel like a weakling for needing help...which I think is a damn big cultural problem.

Does that make any sense?

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out. Let me know if there's anything your American friends in London can do for you.

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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-07-08 10:39 pm (UTC)
Wekk culture sucks big dogs cock lol!

There is no need whatsoever for men to feel like that - especially with me *grumble*

Makes perfect sense tho - unfortunately:)
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
From: shardofmany
2004-07-08 10:01 am (UTC)
"Why is it, when life things get too stressful, do you automatically cut out the people who are in a position to give support?"
Pride, shame and past experience's of being called soft,wet,weak,wimpish etc... and the classic line of "Be a man and pull your socks up" (Usually by bitchy women)

(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-07-08 10:40 pm (UTC)
Unfortunately, I'm not capable of being one of those types of women - I'm all too motherly over loved ones for that:/

Wish some men would learn that and be able to lean on me in times of crisis!
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[User Picture]From: hawklord2112
2004-07-08 11:27 am (UTC)

Just one question to the men who read this diary...
Why is it, when life things get too stressful, do you automatically cut out the people who are in a position to give support?
Just that, sorry.

have you ever read "men are from mars..."? pop culture psychology, i know, but it sums it up perfectly and succintly:
"women deal with problems by talking about them with others. Men deal with problems by thinking them through. a woman sees someone with a problem and asks questions to try and help. a woman would respond to this by talking and things get better. a man responds to this by growling "my problem! leave me alone with it!" which makes things worse; for she will try to ask more questions like "why are you pushing me away" and he will growl more and retreat further into his cave."

of course i'm paraphrasing here.
that's why. because we handle things differently. our minds work on a different frequency. unfortunately your way of doing things is actually better. humph.

further comments:
Perhaps I've learnt to switch off?

that works. look at me. the problem will come when it comes to switching back on again.

I have a 240 quid mobile bill to deal with
jeez girl. you should talk to me bout that. can't pay it for you but i can look at plans for future useage. ;)

anyhow gotta go. you know where i am, if you need me.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-07-08 10:46 pm (UTC)
Never actually read it - mother has a copy so I might have to pilfer!!

Bloody men lol - they should learn to develop the female part of their brains more:/

I don't think I have learnt to switch off entirely, but I have (relearnt-bugger) to be even more cautious should there be a next time.

Mobile bill - blocked my dd, going to have to deal with it next month...might well look at some tariffs with you, but it's usually pretty ok (o2 leisure time all, asleep during daytime so not using peak rate) - the problem occured with peak rate calls during my birthday week...all in all, about 140 (not counting vat) quids worth of calls to the boyfriend. Damn!!

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[User Picture]From: serpentbearer
2004-07-08 12:50 pm (UTC)
I don't want to start with the men-bashing, cos there are plenty of really decent ones - unfortunately the not-so-nice ones tend to stand in front of them or something! I have a feeling I may already have said this to you once before, but the way you come across makes me feel that part of your charm is that you are open and honest with your feelings. Try not to let this experience close you off to opening up and trusting men; why should you have to change because of other people not appreciating what an amazing thing you're sharing with them (your love and personality, in case you think I'm insinuating anything else LOL).
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-07-08 10:49 pm (UTC)
Why the hell can't the long lasting, reliable ones jump to the top of the sodding queue!

I'm sure I won't close off, but its going to be hard assessing feelings next time.

Oh of course I'm sharing an amazing thing - great tits, curvy woman figure, motherly, good in the kitchen and the bedroom and very very forgiving...and I like looking at pr0n...

OOPS!!! Oh, yes, I *know* you weren't insinuating lol, but I couldn't resist a poke hehe!!

*hugs back*
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