|On a night like this...
||[Aug. 8th, 2004|03:44 am]
Miss Von Trapp
|||||humbuzz of computer and tapping of keys in hot dead air.||]|
It's another of *those* nights...long dark drawn-out tedious swamping hot night of sleepless rotting in my room.
Didn't wake up till 9pm yesterday evening - due to the marathon of up-ness from 5pm Friday till 2pm yesterday - work and shifting things...
So I've spent all night packing the rest of my room up, pondering on the rest and how to organise it, and the tangled mess I seem to have gotten myself into over the years...that I am slowly but surely crawling my way up out of now.
I have been listening to 'Vision Thing' and reading Jack Kerouac's 'Big Sur' - been a long time since I read any Kerouac - ten years since 'On The Road', and I'm back in the beat - feeling like writing prose rather than sparse poetry...submerged in the heady language of it all...
Too much coffee, lack of cigarettes and reading at ungodly hours in a still, suffocating night is playing havoc in my brain lol...so much so that I got scribbling again; used to sit in sixth-form common room (1991) writing stuff I was doing as soon as it happened and as soon as I thought it...was so bored this evening that I put pen to paper and did it again:
Boredom Exercise: Capturing mood and describing surroundings.
Oh one forty one am. Lying on my back on my blue-covered bed, mattress sinking arm over forehead. Ponder. Sandman on wall above - arms outstretched with black crows flap crows. Lamp lit beside me, Big Sur bent open at chapter twelve beside butts in ashtray (actually a plastic chocolate milk bottle lid - but works rather well...
Pen ran out - and I reach up again to find another - dig fingersdeep through rubble in messy bag inkblack gel roller now splodging on scruffy notebook where I keep my ideas growing and scribbling across each bag-stuff crumpled page because I havent shut it. I NEED a cigarette and am out of tobacco.
The radio is silenced and contemplating old butts - no to those - scan the room seeing bags of books and videos photos in packets paint tubes old log that I thought looked mossynice and rested on my radiator in front of a green white striped hoop for a time. My room is packed and could be empty - a shell a hell - remove it all tomorrow and leave a space for more more to move.
I think I had better stop here - I need the loo, can feel the bladder ache and push - it is dark outside and I can hear the soft blowing of the night across roofs and treetops - do you spell it roofs or rooves - roofs (and rooves) look odd somehow now I wrote it.
Stopping now. Bored and this is timewasting braingarble - coffee, cigarette of some sort and niagara falls awaits. O1.49am. Shouldn't have woken at 9 and I'm torn between two worlds of sleep and wake before movement and liftage shiftage tommorrow. Bugger!
I expect Big Sur will be finished by sun-up and I won't be going back;)
missbumpkin is helping me mooove today, and vashe has just this second scared me with a groundhog day type photo incident thing and (OH WOW!!!) a really cool logo designed by goff...see here: I AM IN AWE!!!!!
*dazed and confused* at this:
(and yes, OF COURSE, it's now on my website with a proud and happy link)
One of my lj friends (I think the post was friends only so I'm not going to name here) posed this question:
Q: Since we are all mortal, we are all going to die, then is not the creation of civilisation filling us with false hopes that there is anything more ?
To which my answer was (and I rather had an ironic epiphany at that point):
A: There is nothing more than what we create around us, and if we create something good it will be better for whoever we leave behind...which brings me to this thought - there's nothing more for us - just whoever down the line after us gets to reach sodding nirvana.
Bastards... I think the Egyptians were trying to leave us a visual lesson in Pyramid selling lol!!
And yes, Hollandia: Bavarian lager beer, 3.99 for 10 bottles (but I've only had two) is a GOOD thing not a BAD thing...