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Miss Von Trapp

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On the topic of me being single again... (Saturday) [Nov. 22nd, 2003|07:05 am]
Miss Von Trapp
[Mood |open]
[Music |Depeche Mode : Stripped]

For those of you who haven't grasped recent events quite...

The ex who moved out was the long term 10 year one...we broke down as a couple for many reasons...not my own or his...and I WAS single from November last year when we split to September-ish this year...

Then I got a new boyfriend...this is the one who dumped me on Tuesday...

He's a film director/producer and lecturer in London...

All went blissfully, ecstatically well for about 2 months, he came down and saw me...then 2 weeks later (after not calling me much)...he rings and tells me it's over because he "can't give me the relationship I want" (ie. I'm too needy because I try ringing once a day and get no answer when he's working and not contacted me at all...not even a text)...

...and that he has to focus on his career/work because he's damned good at what he does and has to take himself seriously... He works from waking to sleeping in the INDUSTRY and lecturing...so when he goes out to the gym/drinking he wants his own headspace and not even a girlfriend (who he was previously saying he wanted to marry, have kids and be with forever) dare contact him as it would piss him off.

He can't do WORK and RELATIONSHIP together as he is a man of extremes and doesn't do things by halves...so one of them has to go, and it's me...

Though he wants to be really close friends and have me call him at the weekend and go for a drink (etc probably) at Xmas...which I will do, stupid girl this one...

I'm *pretty much* over it now.

Although I spent Tuesday evening, all night at work and all Wednesday sobbing my stupid heart out because I gave it away entirely too earnestly...

See, he was only my 5th ever relationship since I *lost my innocence* at 18 years old (I'm going to be 30 next June), brought up with strong christian morals about sexuality and therefore take that part extremely seriously even though no longer christian. My body is not something I give away without being SERIOUS about someone...I give 100% to a relationship, heart, body and soul...and am NEVER unfaithful...and don't jump in and out of relationships lightly at all...

Simply put I WAS TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH HIM and I've ended up being hurt because I gave myself wholeheartedly!!

The last one before this recent split was 10 years long (the one that has just moved out yesterday because I let him live with me in his own room rent/food/bills free for a whole year until I was hugely in debt and I couldn't afford it anymore)...and the last 6 years of that one were just me having to be motherly and not feeling like a girlfriend...in fact for the last 3 years he had (and still has) another girlfriend in America...

That's just who I am...stupid, devoted in relationships, and a bit victorian in values.

Thankfully I've bounced back damn fast...but I was utterly devastated for two whole days at least...and it still hurts a bit if I think too much about it...so I'm burying myself in Theatre and valued friendships. I won't get hurt with those.

Don't mention this on any other thread...well maybe because he might get offended if I posted exactly this in public...and as friends is all we can be, I don't want to jeopardise that by sounding like a whining old sow.

There ya go.


Fuckem all, I'm working for MYSELF now for a DAMN LONG TIME!!!!!!!


From: wildgift93
2003-11-22 01:39 am (UTC)
Oh my darling...I'm your valued friend (I hope) I'm not gonna dump you. I love you too much. You are stuck with me forever. I'm buying you a drink or two on Sat nite...and giving you lots of hugs...I might even let you jiggle the boobage.
*makes sad smile*
*another hug*
Call me for a chat.
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2003-11-22 10:02 am (UTC)
You are indeed:))

I'll give you a call later...only just woke up...slept right through rehearsals: oops!!
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[User Picture]From: g3m
2003-11-22 02:15 am (UTC)
I realise I don't know you that well, but I do hope you'll be okay? x

It sounds like you have a large circle of really good friends, no doubt they will rally round and look after you! :)

Hold your head high and remind yourself that it is his loss! :)
In time, I'm sure this will make you a stronger person.

Big comforting [virtual] hugs! xxx Gem
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2003-11-22 10:05 am (UTC)

I'll cope I'm sure...it was all a bit sudden, and yes indeed, his loss!!


Anyway...I won a big box of chocolates in the children in need raffle at work last night...

*munch munch*
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2003-11-22 10:07 am (UTC)
I think Snoopy could do with a trip to the washing machine...he's more of a sponge than a soft toy now...

Bagpuss is helping too!!

*giggles and eats chocolate*
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[User Picture]From: lily
2003-11-22 05:08 am (UTC)

You will get up brush yourself up and try again. You will move on again after you've gotten through the pain of the blow. Crying is good...it cleanses.
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2003-11-22 10:08 am (UTC)
Not least because I've not been able to keep eyeliner on for the last few days...oh the perils of being a goth:/


*hugs back*
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From: defcon9
2003-11-22 06:10 am (UTC)
I think I'll have 2 2nd those *hugs*
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2003-11-22 10:08 am (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2003-11-22 10:11 am (UTC)
I think distance between plymouth and london will help, since I'll only be in phone contact anyway!

I think i'll the same as you with this one...got intense very suddenly and ended just as abruptly...but I at least ought to try being friends...take every opportunity to make him jealous and regretful hahahaha!!


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[User Picture]From: vimster
2003-11-22 08:28 am (UTC)
What a selfish so-and-so he sounds. All that career stuff sounds to me like a lame excuse. Hah, I'd like him to meet some of the film-makers I used to know at uni, yes, they took it seriously, but they had a bloody good time away from the camera too. Ah sod it.

Quite frankly, love comes above career, because even if it all comes crashing down, you still have support and friendship, and someone to get seriously intimate with.

Right, Saturday, I have a couple of films to watch (Office Space and Blade Runner), so I'll leave you to it. Erm, not sure why I mentioned that, oh well.
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2003-11-22 10:16 am (UTC)
Very true...in the words of one of his ex-colleagues (who I'm friends with)...He thinks the world revolves around him...

But I wasn't supposed to quote him on that...oops!!

He'll learn the hard way maybe...but at 33 it might be too late...

BladeRunner? Damn you...I haven't decided as yet...could go out drinking but I have to be in theatre at 10am and slept through todays rehearsals so now I'm in the doghouse!!

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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2003-11-22 01:56 pm (UTC)
I will, but I'll have to behave as I have to be in theatre for 10am to do a show in the evening.
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