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Miss Von Trapp

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On the subject of Xmas Shopping... [Dec. 14th, 2003|06:26 pm]
Miss Von Trapp
[Mood |bitchybitchy]
[Music |Big Black : Kerosene / New Model Army : Vengeance]

I haven't done any yet.

Xmas shopping that is.

I don't want to, I can't be arsed, I'm too busy with Panto, I can't afford it...yada yada yada...

BUT there is one underlying reason for all of this...


And the utter yokel-local plebs crowding it atm.

As I posted in reply to etceterate, I don't think it's a symptom of getting old...I think it's a symptom of having to live in Plymouth...and the level of intellect/education/behaviour of your general pleb on the street.

They too, drive me utterly ballistic, especially when they leave their pasty-prints inside magazines, and stop dead in the street in front of you when you are in a hurry and dodging pushchairs and screaming child-bastards everywhere.

The way they shuffle along, like some zombie extra who escaped the Mall massacre...vacant expressions, ambling with no particular direction...drooling at the stalls selling 'xmass-y' food goods, filling their faces with Dewdneys and Oggy Oggy Pasty Shoppe fodder...long wide lines of families who never learnt to be courteous and let people pass on a narrow pavement...

Makes me want to turn Sergeant Major and teach them the sodding crocodile formation!!

Yes, the locals in this godforsaken arse-end of england are the one reason I haven't been in town to do ANY Xmas shopping yet...I don't want to. The idea of all those tards clogging up the place overladen with argos/index/toys'r'us bags, yelling at each other in a janner accent that gets my heckles up totally and their pasty-stuffed fat-faced yokel grins fills me with utter horror...

The whole xmas thing is getting to me atm...there's a 'german market', a 'craft market' (how very artsy of us...bloody retard city can only produce a Rembrandt copyist like Lankybitch and a 'Viz : Fat Slags' style artist to boot name of Beryl Cook...no real talent here actually)...and all those god-awful children's rides that I want to crank up to warp 10 and watch them go round faster than the speed of light with their eyes melting and their mouths wide open screaming like Francis Bacon's Screaming Popes...rather than the slow crawl to match the town-pace...and that jangly, jolly xmas music...


Sometimes I wish I could cover the city centre in plastic and then gas the lot of them... Somewhat Nazi of me and totally against my general principals...but quite honestly, who would miss this city if I obliterated it off the face of the map??

I certainly wouldn't.

Ho hum...at least with the locals out of the way I could shop in peace, and not feel like I'm going out to war as soon as I get towards town...

One more shout of 'Oi, Goffek' from a random, retarded teenager when I am old enough to be their parent and demand respect and I'm going HUNGERFORD on everyone...

Shopping online is the way to go...but it's too late for that...



[User Picture]From: etceterate
2003-12-14 11:43 am (UTC)
I've just bought a J-reg * Vauxhall Nova, which I intend fitting out with ludicrously large bumpers, wheels with fat tyres, go faster stripes and a stereo with a bass that can be heard on Dartmoor.
Fancy coming for a drive?

* guess what the 'J' stands for...
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[User Picture]From: vimster
2003-12-14 12:55 pm (UTC)
Fit bullbars, I'm told they're seriously dangerous.
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2003-12-14 02:02 pm (UTC)
Bangin' Choons, Screaming Janner birds with bottles of cider, pills and Burberry?

Then we can go out to Cadover, light a fire/car and spend a night in a cell...again!!

I'm there! Meet me outside Jesters on Union st and I'll bring the lads!!

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From: wildgift93
2003-12-14 03:29 pm (UTC)
You forgot to mention the big 'for-decorative-purposes-only' Spoiler on the back.
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[User Picture]From: vimster
2003-12-14 12:54 pm (UTC)
ONE-HUNDRED-PER-FUCKING-CENT BANG ON TARGET! Grab grab grab the cack from Wilkinsons, from £stretcher, from that tatty stall selling plastic shite; yes, the orange, green and blue Argos bags (why are they always MASSIVE?). Oh you forgot the ignorant sods who stand right in the middle of the pavement chatting, making you walk out into the gutter/into the path of an oncoming bike being ridden by said scummy teen townie. Plus we wouldn't have queues if people didn't buy every last bloody thing with a fucking CREDIT CARD!

If I had the money I'd set up a Christmas retreat for all of us who would like to do something over the festive season, just not what every other plebian does.

This rant may continue in my journal - you'll get a little credit for starting me going - grrrr.
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From: wildgift93
2003-12-14 03:31 pm (UTC)
When I first started reading this entry I thought 'Jesus Christ she's pissed off...wonder what's up' then I saw you were listening to Big Black Kerosene...that explains everything!
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2003-12-14 04:36 pm (UTC)
Well it's off a certain compilation cd from someone who also hates Plymouth...no prizes for guessing who either lolol!

But sums it up rather nicely don'tcha think??
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(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: etceterate
2003-12-14 04:26 pm (UTC)
Ancient bloke with a santa style beard? Are you sure it wasn't Saddam Hussein?
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2003-12-14 04:36 pm (UTC)
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From: (Anonymous)
2003-12-14 09:15 pm (UTC)


I haven't done any shopping for any other reason. No offense to any other continent. Apparently people behave horribly and bring their horrible offspring no matter where they live. So Vampy, you're not alone.
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You are Animal.
You are completely nuts, but fun to be around.

Drums, Women, Food.
Drums, Women, Food.

"Louder!", "Food now!" and
"Want Woman!"

"The Musicians' Guide to Drums, Women &

An appetite.

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[User Picture]From: serpentbearer
2003-12-15 09:33 am (UTC)
Heh, while reading your rant all I could think of was Monty Python - the phrase 'Watney's Red Barrel' springs to mind LOL!

Anyway, Plymouth can't be the worse place in the country - Torquay has got the same kind of plebs, and we don't have any decent clubs/shops/things to do/places to go. And there's hardly any other goths here either - or even goth-friendly types - oh god, it's so lonely!
*goes off to mope in the corner*
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2003-12-15 11:16 pm (UTC)
*big hugs*

Trust me, you're not missing much here anyway:))
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From: sirmankey
2003-12-15 01:01 pm (UTC)
I don't want to buck the trend, but as a shop worker I find that the locals are some of the most polite people, who are more than happy to queue for a while to get what they want. The rudest by far are the people who you would think would know better - older men and women particularly, without a hint of a Plymothian accent, who seem to think that queues don't apply to them. I don't want to rant (I do really) and although out of the store I've had my fair share of comments from Plymothians, inside they've been some of the most polite and friendly of all of our customers.

'Ave that.
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2003-12-15 10:09 pm (UTC)
Perhaps its different in Virgin?

I worked in Electronics Boutique over xmas a couple of years back and THAT was hellish!!


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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2003-12-15 10:11 pm (UTC)
I pretend I have fangs (if I'm not wearing them to freak them out anyway...) and that it's the fairground scene in Lost Boys when it gets dark...


(not as much fun as the G-force fun my sis and I used to have with blue/yellow sunvisors when we were little...I was always Mark...hmmm...)
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2003-12-16 10:18 pm (UTC)
No no no!!!

Only ever Mark and Princess...blue and yellow visors respectively!!

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