|LOST : ONE BIG BROWN DOG!!! (A notable work of fiction indeed)
||[Jan. 4th, 2004|09:47 pm]
Miss Von Trapp
|||||Ministry : Jesus Built My Hotrod||]|
Note: I wrote this ridiculous piece of fiction in 1994 or thereabouts...one of those 'sat at the typewriter - make it up as you go along' kind of things...utter drivel, but it makes me laugh!!
LOST : ONE BIG BROWN DOG
A daring tale of Canine Kidnap...
I was walking down my street not so long ago when it came to my attention that I was being followed by a big brown dog. Normally I would have just carried on walking and ignored the poor lost animal, but on this particular day I found its soppy doggy eyes far too endearing to be able to stop myself.
I took it home with me.
I'm not normally in the habit of kidnapping other people's dearly beloved pooches, it's not like me at all...it's just that I simply couldn't help it. It stood there and looked at me with a face that seemed to say "LOST : ONE BIG BROWN DOG" and "FEED ME"...the latter being what doggy eyes usually say to you when they fix you with them.
Anyway, I, of course, was entirely taken in and suddenly remembered the large tin of 'doggychunks' that I had left over from my mother's last visit ("Don't forget I'm bringing Charlie", she said) and without further ado I whisked the dog off home with me.
Once home, the dog fed and me putting my feet up with the new Radio Times in my lap, I finally realised what I'd done. I can be so stupid sometimes - acting without first thinking of the possible consequences - I really hadn't stopped to think at all!!
Now I had a fat happy animal in my kitchen who looked like he was settling down for the night - and most likely the rest of the week to boot - and I didn't have any idea where he had come from or who he might belong to...I hadn't even so much as asked him his name!!
What on earth was I going to do??
One thing was clear, I had to form a plan of action. I also had to buy more 'Doggychunks'.
This, then, is what I did. Firstly, I decided to call the dog 'Gerald', for no other reason than because it suited him. That being done, I took a trip to the local Post Office, along the way stocking up on doggy supplies, and placed a notice in the window saying "FOUND : ONE BIG BROWN DOG" - followed with my home phone number so that people could contact me should it be necessary...
Then I went home. To wait.
Three months have passed and still not one person has contacted me re. missing dog. Gerald and I are enjoying our time together and he has become a wonderful and extremely affectionate companion. We have spoken to each other and he has expressed a wish to remain with me rather than try his luck at the various dog's homes in the area. Through a somewhat mutual decision (oh, those big doggy eyes) Gerald is now MY dog.
HE IS STAYING WITH ME.
And we are both very pleased with the arrangement.
In conclusion, we both fully agree that having the telephone disconnected the day after placing the advertisement has been, in hindsight, the very best decision (and not in the least impulsive) that I have made for a very, very long time!!