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Miss Von Trapp

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Minds that have to whisper, See in them a sister... [Mar. 9th, 2004|03:58 pm]
Miss Von Trapp
[Mood |excitedexcited]
[Music |Rasputina : Transylvanian Concubine (oo cello oo)]


Yesterday's International Women's Day evening at theatre went very very well... I was so INCREDIBLY nervous though!!!

The evening began at 8pm, with a couple of women singing, then there was a choir of 11 years olds singing a couple of songs...then I got up to read 4 of my poems, ending with the 'Eye Drone' one, explaining that I had to go to work at nine lol!! Stuck two fingers up to work as I read the last line (Clock Off) and then left the stage... Got lots and lots of applause and positive comments...but I was shaking SO MUCH that I couldn't even manage to roll myself a cigarette lol!!


Body is a fever
A flame-rent crescendo
Body is a fever
Insatiably devouring
Hungry for more

Fire rips through it
Laying waste
Still it burns through the night
And in the ashes

A lingering warmth
A contentment which comforts the heart in its solitude

Yet still a memory of fire
And a wanton desire for its return.


Choices (Dec 2003)

You take me
You break me
You rent my heart asunder.

I lie here
In ribbons
There's nothing left to plunder.

I'm bleeding
Yet still a candle burned.

I need to
Find my way
But through these tears I'm blinded.

It's time now
For myself
And to be single-minded.

Which way here?
There's choices to be made.

Like a moth to a flame I flew
Over and over.
Not caring should my wings be burned.

Again and again I was sure I could take that pain.

Now from the ashes of the old
A new beginning
For myself and myself alone.

As the Phoenix rises from the flames, now is my time.


Lethe - An Awakening (Feb 2004)

From Lethe I had dredged myself,
Hauling this carcass sodden from the banks,
To stand, blinking, in the garish light of day;
Crying out, the whole world round:
"Come take me! I am blind and lost!"

The darkness settles;
I am myself once more.
Vague, luminescent shadows flit amongst the trees
as I make my way along that twisting path,
The moon full-lit and glowing as befits her ghastly orb.

Yet, in her I find comfort.
And, enveloping myself in the warm blanket of this night,
I take her hand as she leads me onwards.


Eye Drone (Mar 2004)

White Walls
Tappity Tap
White Screens
Tappity Tap

Eye count
Eye calculate
Eye percieve

Locked in this box a steady hum --
Hum Drum
Tappity Tap
Flicker and Drone
One bee in an incessant chattering hive

Eye break
Eye multiply
Eye ache
Eye sting

The clock ticks
Tickety Tock
Tappity Tap
And the hour
Drags itself --

Steadily --

Towards its


Tappity Tap
Clickety Clock

Clock Off.


I think it's because, when I perform, I'm a character...mentally 'acting', but when I'm up either singing on my own, playing my 'cello or reading something that I've written (takes me back to the public speaking competitions I used to do...) that's when its no act at all, and there I am laid bare in front of everybody...

Bloody terrifying, but I was more than pleased at the responses I got.

After me, there were several more musical acts...womens choirs and whatnot, then I had to leave at 9pm for work, and Gemma was just beginning a drum'n'bass DJ slot...

I think the evening was mostly music (empowering songs - gah!) so Gemma and I probably stuck out a bit for being different lol!!

I'll get more feedback from Beccy on Wednesday.


Just booked my Whitby accommodation, next thing to deal with is the travel...train or coach? You decide!! I suppose I'd better haul ass down to the train station and find out later on, before work;)


Blargled from elves_uk:

99% Of The Internet Loves Me!
I am loved by 99% of the population, including:
7005 people who love goths
8307 people who love freaks
8482 people who love people who wear sweaters

In return, I love 90% of the population, including:
3909 men
6101 poets
6871 short people

show the love at spacefem.com

From: czol
2004-03-09 08:28 am (UTC)
I'd go with coach - it's generally cheaper. It does take longer, but then that just means you need to find more stuff to keep you occupied :-).
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-03-09 08:39 am (UTC)
Thing is, I'll be at work until 6am, and then be travelling on the same day... I'll be terrified of falling asleep...

But then, I could get a lot of reading done, or kill my eyes playing Pokemon or Tetris on my GBA lol!!
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[User Picture]From: vimster
2004-03-09 12:37 pm (UTC)
The coach is a nightmare. You don't get a table, you don't have the buffet car, there's something nice about being able to stand up and walk to the loo, the ones on coaches just feel wrong. The coach is a damn sight cheaper though.
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From: czol
2004-03-10 03:40 am (UTC)
Mmmm but I always find there's something about trains that makes me want to sleep.
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From: scar_let
2004-03-09 09:14 am (UTC)
Hah! Caught you listening to Rasputina! I tolf you they were good...

...I positively cannot wait until their new album comes out...yeeeee....
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-03-09 09:30 am (UTC)
I *know*!!


I've had that track a long long time...and the Darling Violetta Angel theme (which I was learning for a bit)

I need to download more...and get some Rasputina albums. Methinks 'twill have to wait tho, as I'm rather spent out this month and will be broke for the next 3 weeks...

(saving cash for Whitby, amongst other dull household expenses)
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-03-09 11:40 am (UTC)
Bored. Don't want to go to work...

And I have an irritating habit of tweaking my posts till I'm happy with them lol!!

I've added the poems I read so that I can keep them in 'Memories' lol!!
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[User Picture]From: abishag
2004-03-09 10:13 am (UTC)
Congratulations on the successful poetry reading.
Wouldn't it actually be a good thing to catch up on sleep on the coach??
Whereas if you were like me and terrified of being *sick* on said coach...;-)
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-03-09 10:21 am (UTC)
That's a good idea... I have to find out which method gets me there fastest/leaves earliest, as I'll be finishing work at 6am:)

If I sit by a window I don't get sick...not as bad as I used to be, depends if I have a headache:)
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-03-09 12:03 pm (UTC)
Huzzah! Me too:)) Two at once atm lol!!
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[User Picture]From: vimster
2004-03-09 11:58 am (UTC)
I thought you actor types thrived on nerves? Aren't they supposed to gee you on, take you to another level, as the cliche goes? Anyway, sounds as though it was a decent experience, I hope you went down well at least.

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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-03-09 12:05 pm (UTC)
When I'm acting. I do...

When it's just me as myself in front of a crowd, I don't!! Just go to jelly lol!!

But I 'went down' well anyway;)
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From: (Anonymous)
2004-03-09 02:55 pm (UTC)


hi, i met you at IWD and came to have a look at your site! really great, interesting and cool, itll take me ages to look round properly! anyway, it was really great to meet you, shame you had to rush off to that horrible job of yours, liked the poems (especially the comic ending) and hopefully i'll run into you again sometime :) vinny
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-03-10 06:35 pm (UTC)

Re: iwd

Hey Vinny:)

(btw, Lavinia is a fantastic name...*sick jealous*)

Great to meet you too!! And yes, that job is horrible lol...will email you soon, or send you a text:))


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[User Picture]From: nnp
2004-03-09 08:40 pm (UTC)
i so get exactly what you say about being laid bare in a poetry reading vs. performing on stage... i did a reading several years back which my friends of the moment had to FORCE me into doing (literally - had to drag me onto the stage) and i was a wreck... my one friend (tony) thought this was really funny as i was the professional actor after all... i tried to explain how it's not the same thing. to no avail.

anyhoo... the poetry is good! send me some more - i'll trade with ya!
smoochies to the other side of the pond princess of darkness...
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-03-10 06:36 pm (UTC)
It's weird isn't it? If I'd put 'actor' head on, maybe I'd have coped better lol!!

I'll post more as I write more...I'm sorta caught up in too many projects all at once atm;)

Would love to read some of yours...I'll show you mine if you show me yours; that kind of thing hehe!!
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[User Picture]From: nnp
2004-03-11 08:44 am (UTC)

I'LL SHOW YOU MINE... heh... ;P

two shortish ones to start...

blood flows
red & hot
liquid lava
down my thighs
into the street
forming a river
of ideals
gathering finally
in a pool
of innocence lost
i let it go
it is gone
i need you
no more.


i am pieces of promises,
never fulfilled...
i am strong,
though i feel weak...
i think,
therfore i am smart...
(but, who can really tell?)
i am a master of illusion,
and, quite good at pretending
every little thing is fine...
(yes, sir! things are just fine!)
when it is not.
i'm standing here transparent
hiding behind a tall brick wall...
i hurt,
but, you'll see no tears...
i am ever present,
doing my damndest
to disappear.

there are mine... now - TAG - you're it!
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-03-11 08:52 am (UTC)

Re: I'LL SHOW YOU MINE... heh... ;P

Ooh I like those!!!

(is a sucker for blood imagery too...)


The Cream of the Crop
i.e. all the rest are shit!

This one is listed as 'anon' in my poetry section on vampgirl.com...but...

I actually wrote it in 1996. It's a bit crap (not dissimilar to children's poetry by Robert Louis Stevenson) but I like the rhythm of it;)


Sepulchre (1996)

Candle burning in the night,
Touching me with ochre light.
Melting wax that dribbles down,
Crimson on my bone-white gown.
Dancing flame that chases dark,
Warmth and comfort to my heart.

I should never lie awake,
Through midnight hours my sojourns take;
Do my dreaming by the day,
Sleeping sunlit hours away.
But daytime light I can't abide;
The night is where I'm doomed to hide.

I, a vampire, forced to feed
On nought but blood - my only need.
My only light; the candle there
That burns in my sepulchral lair.


River Dream (1993)

Woman in white
Stands silently on the other side of the water.
Come across, she says.
But you don't dare to leap and trust the river.

In the wake
A thousand eyes watch you.
A conscience says to wait.
But it will cost you.

Will you take a chance
and brave the leap?
The gap is not as far as you'd believe.
Our lives are a dream,
The world as a stream flows steadily on.

Woman in white
waits patiently for you to come and guide her homeward.
No time, she says.
Yet you hesitate and watch the river flowing.

In the wake
A thousand mouths urge you.
Their voices say to leap
They are there to help you.

Will you take a chance
and brave the leap?
The gap is not as far as you'd believe.
Our lives are a dream,
The world as a stream flows steadily on.

Woman in white
Meets Man in Black and cries for you to save her.
Jump now, she begs.
But still you do not trust the river.

In the wake
A thousand souls desert you.
You had your chance
Now life is taken from you.

Will you take a chance
and brave the leap?
The gap is not as far as you'd believe.
Our lives are a dream,
The world as a stream flows steadily on.


another oldie...made it a song once too...

Living Death (1994)

Two o'clock in the morning
and you cannot sleep.
Get up and look in the mirror.
Can you see?
Never mind the shouting.
Look into her eyes.
See the fear and bloodshed
and your hurting lies.

You have seen the eyes of Living Death.

Hide your face in your pillow.
You will not believe
what you see in your mirror
Is reality.
Never mind the tears
seeping from her eyes.
All that fear and bloodshed
and your hurting lies.

These are in the eyes of Living Death.

Look into the eyes of Living Death.
See the pain inside.
In the weeping eyes of Living Death
see the laughter die.

See the laughter die.


...ok, last one. I shan't subject you to any more of this un-literary torture;)

Blood eternal (1995)

Bone White.
Drawing me in.
Closer. Closer.
Hard-pressed against me.
Bone White. Stone White.
Sharp. Now piercing.
Biting. Harder.
No pain.
Just sweetness. Reminiscing.
A warmth.
A suckling.
Like a baby. Regressing.
Not milk, but Blood.
Metallic, yet revitalising.

Drink deep and sate your thirst.
Let me be your vessel.
Drink deep and live in me.
Let me be your blood, your life.
Your life eternal.


(Tragic gawth that I am lol!!) (then I had a gap between 1997 and 2003;))
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[User Picture]From: nnp
2004-03-11 09:17 am (UTC)

Re: I'LL SHOW YOU MINE... heh... ;P

oh i like! they are very dense in imagary, very nice!

i think the first one reminds me of the children's prayer. "now i lay me down to sleep..." ??? or, perhaps one of poe's poems. those dark and scary children's rhymes which when you would think about them would keep you awake well into the night when you were a kid.

i'm putting the next one (which tom says is my best) on my journal... it's too long to post in comments.
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-03-11 09:19 am (UTC)

Re: I'LL SHOW YOU MINE... heh... ;P

Cool!! I'll go and read, and then continue the 'tag' on here perhaps;)
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[User Picture]From: missvontrapp
2004-03-11 09:40 am (UTC)

Re: I'LL SHOW YOU MINE... heh... ;P

Ok ok...last three and you're not getting any more of my old old stuff...most of it was rubbish anyway lol!!

I'm far happier with the way I write now, even though it is intermittent;)

Equus (Aged 10 - at a working farm holiday with school)

Every bone, every sinew, every muscle
Down to the very last drop of
Pure Arab blood.
You ARE Horse.

Your flaring nostrils, soft breath blowing
In the warm breeze of summertime.
You cavort in the fields all day while
The larks sing you beautiful melodies
Shrill and clear.

When you run, stretching your strong muscles,
You glory in your movement.
Your ever-straining, pulsing tension at the bit.
Mane waving at the sky like rushes on a riverbank.

Glorious movement.
Freedom in all its fullness.


87632 - The Prisoner of War
(aged 17 - 1990ish)

I'm scared.
Like a caged animal I like here in the damp and dirt.
Waiting for freedom.

What is that?
It seems as if I have lost all knowledge,
As if part of my memory was
Beaten away with the torture I have received.
I no longer feel any pain. It's like
A numbness has invaded my body.

I feel nothing.

I want
To learn again how life feels
But I do not know if
I will ever have that chance again.

Will I ever come out of this alive?
What's it like out there?
How much has it changed?

I'm out of touch.
Human contact means so much to me.
These people who have caged me cannot be human.
They beat me and abuse me night and day
Beating all memory away from me.
So much has been forgotten.

Am I forgotten?


War : The End of All Things (aged 17 - 1990ish)

We sit here on this cold, silent planet
Awaiting the destruction of life.
The whirl of civilisation reached its peak many moons ago.
The hope of a world of love has been torn ruthlessly from our hearts.
It was ripped out by an iron hand and cast into the eternal fire.

All hope has gone.
A cry in the dark - another child is born unto the desolate planet.
A painful initiation into the tears and desperation of the life to follow.
(We can pin no hopes on the survival of the fittest)

A solitary star flashes on the horizon
As the weak, blood red sun begins to rise quiveringly on the dawn of a new day.

First light has come.
With its stark rays bleaching our faces we become
Aware of the emptiness around us.
Turning our backs on the sun we look further into ourselves,
We can but follow the futile search for hope.
It is the only thing we have left.

When the end comes it will be
The last thing to die.


Oh dear oh dear... I think I'd better leave it at that, don't you??

*sheepish grin*
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[User Picture]From: elves_uk
2004-03-10 04:28 am (UTC)
Train for sure! We are going as well :) Driving though.
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